life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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