New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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