speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
