DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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