After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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