i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
