are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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