i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
