I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
