Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
