OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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