Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
