Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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