Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
