hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
