and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
