i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
