Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
