Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
