____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
