I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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