someone get that fucking seahorse.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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