Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
