She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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