I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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