She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As shirtless as possible
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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