I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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