it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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