It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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