Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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