It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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