shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
