How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
do nipples grow back?
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