sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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