I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
