you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
