I skipped work to stalk him.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
