You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
