the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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