I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
