I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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