They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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