i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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