I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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