Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
