Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
