Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
