Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
