i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
