I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize