i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
