and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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