He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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