Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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