I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
