I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
