just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
