I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
