a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this boner is exhausting
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I will pee on everything he values.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
