I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
