you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
