I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
