Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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