Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
