walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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