I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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