Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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