How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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