people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
