The maid of honor just puked.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
