just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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