Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
