i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
