ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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