Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
