hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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