Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
