addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
