hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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