New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
